Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tyleigh after the program with her flowers and ballet bear from Ms. April.
Baylee after the recital. Ms. April gave her some flowers and a ballerina bear also.
They did such an awesome job! I am trying to figure out how to get the videos on here :)
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
4 jobs I've had :
Papa Aldo's (now Papa Murphys)
In Home Day Care
Momma and Honey
4 movies I can watch over and over
While You Were Sleeping
Westward the Women
4 places I have lived
4 favorite TV shows
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
Friday Night Lights
4 Places I've been:
Mt. St. Helens
Yellowstone National Park
4 Favorite foods
Pepsi with Ice (gotta crunch the ice too)
Won Tons with sweet n sour sauce
Suki Yaki (sp?)
4 websites I visit daily:
The Sista's board
Yahoo (to check mail)
Incredimail (to check my other mail..lol)
4 Places I'd rather be:
My mom's house (I haven't been home for 8 1/2 years)
4 Blog buddies I want to tag
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Dallins isn't too bad.
Why do I order them at all then you ask?
So that the kids can have a class picture. You cannot order just a class picture. It is "free" *rme again* with any portrait package.
Gee, how generous.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Jared and I went to bed about midnight, and I took a dose of NyQuil.
Around 2am Dallin bursts into our bedroom holding his chest and saying he couldn't breathe. I ran up the stairs to get his albulterol (I just assumed he was having his first real asthma attack after having very mild asthma for years). Half way up the stairs I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out. I am sure it was a combo of being frightened and the NyQuil. I got back downstairs and handed the inhaler to Jared and laid on the bed with a trash can by my head. Dallin took this two puffs with lots of pain. We watched him for a couple minutes. He was in so much pain he couldn't calm down and couldn't sit still. It was then he said it was his right side, right under his ribs. Then we immediately thought appendicitis.
I went upstairs and got his slippers and a blanket and Jared carried him to the car. I woke up Joshua and had him come upstairs with the girls. Jared drove so fast to the hospital (25 miles away). I called them on the way.
We got there about 3am or so. It seemed to take forever to get him a bed even though the ER was empty.
They did his vitals and took blood. Then we started waiting. Around 5am a new Dr. came in and he ordered a chest X-ray. It was after looking at this X-ray it was discovered he had pneumonia in both of his lungs, but the worst was in his lower right lobe (thus making it appear like appendicitis).
And seriously when they said they were admitting him, I was surprised. I thought they would get his breathing under control and them send us home with some antibiotics.
We went to a normal room about 7am.
Joshua got the girls ready for church (he was such a huge help to us) and Dena and Toby took them to church.
Our neighbors the Sheltons called and Jared was so upset he couldn't talk to them. They showed up at the hospital the same time Uncle Dennis and Aunt Cheryl did. The 3 priesthood holders (Jared, Glenn and U. Dennis) gave Dallin a blessing.
Jared stayed the nights with Dallin and I went home and got the other kids in bed and up and off to school in the mornings. The girls stayed with the Sheltons or with Toby and Dena.
Tuesday night Jared went to Joshua's football game. Dallin was continually throwing up and in pain. I finally talked the Dr. into giving him another dose of anti nausea medicine through his IV and some tylenol with codeine. He slept for 2-3 hours and woke up Dallin again. He got better just as quickly as he got sick.
I was shocked when they let us take him home the next morning.
We have been trying to keep him still to no avail.
Yesterday we took him to his follow up appointment and I heard some very scary but revealing things from our family Dr.
He said that the Dr. in the emergency room that diagnosed him with pneumonia saved his life. When his blood count came back at 20,000 with no fever he said the doctors were thinking it was something different (which at the time I didn't think was odd because of the Advil) and I automatically thought he was going to say appendicitis. Then he said leukemia.
I am so glad that the Dr.s never told us that.
He now has a clean bill of health and will return to school on Monday.
Joshua Visiting his brother in the hospital.
Dallin and Jared watching football.
The Girls at the hospital.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The truck comes back from the field full of onions.
And it waits its turn.
It pulls up to the side of the shed and the onions unload onto the conveyor belt and into wooden crates.
The fork lift driver (sorry he is hidden in the shadow on the left of the crates) stacks the crates, and when they get 4 tall he takes them into the onion shed to be stored until needed.
It made for a noisy couple of days but it was very interesting to watch. All the old retired dudes come out of retirement to drive the farm trucks for harvest. They all smile, wave, and honk whenever they spot us in the yard, and they look like they have rediscovered youth!
Now all is quiet til next year.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
2. Rock of Love. Now if you have never heard about this show, here is a brief synopsis:
Since 1986 when MTV introduced the world to the blue-eyed lead singer of Poison, women around the world have worshiped Bret Michael's as a veritable Rock God. Never out of the spotlight, Bret's career is still rocking with Poison and as a successful solo artist and the women are still lining up in hopes of a lying down with the sexy star. But the demands of life-on-the-road for the ultimate rocker have taken a toll...on his love life.
Twenty lucky ladies will get their chance for an All-Access pass to Bret Michaels' heart and to share in all his superstar lifestyle. Bret will invite twenty handpicked beautiful women to move into his rock and roll palace in the Hollywood Hills and compete for his heart. They must win over his mind and his body by proving their love for Bret, their passion for rock and their potential to be the perfect "Rock Star Girlfriend."
Each week, Bret will design challenges to test the girls' ability to adapt to the true rock 'n roll life. Not always red carpets and award shows, who will best adapt to life in a cramped, grungy tour bus with Bret and his roadie buddies? Who can handle the competition from outrageous, and sometimes hotter groupies? Who can keep her cool around his famous friends? Who can best contribute to his music? Who's not afraid to get down and dirty with him in one of his extreme sports competitions. And perhaps most vital - who will always look smokin' hot doing it?
The girls who best meet Bret's needs shall be rewarded with exclusive gifts, dates and travels worthy of a music superstar. Over several weeks, Bret will offer the women who rock his world VIP passes allowing them to remain in his home - and his heart. The women who don't will be sent packing. Competition will be ferocious - for in the end only one lady will walk away a true Rock Star Girlfriend.
In My opinion Bret Michaels is still as hot as he was druing his "Unskinny Bop" days. Yummy. Plus it is funny to see a bunch of ditzy women fight, back stab and munipulate each other. This Sunday is the finale...I can hardly wait...lol
I also enjoy Maury Povich when he has the paternity test shows....they crack me up.
So, what shows are you a little embarrassed that you watch?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Lets see. Dear hubby and son bubba, killed poor Bambi on Sept 1st. (can you say "10 days later") I can hardly stand to go outside there is such a stench! So I go to check it out (I should have stayed inside) and there is Bambi's HEAD in the back of my husbands pick-up! OMGosh! Hello?!?!?! Needless to say I made him take care of it today. Ick Ick Ick!
Even though they made my nose water and vomit come into my throat I was still proud of my boys! (sort-of) ;)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Please go take a look and give me some feedback here as to what you think. There is an mailing list also so that you will be updated whenever I add new items.
Thanks for looking!
Saturday, September 01, 2007
|So the funeral was interesting, but nothing too major happened. We spoke to and hugged everyone in the family (except Jared's immediate). Funerals are sad, but in a lot of ways they are almost enjoyable because it always seems to bring people together almost like a family reunion. It was wonderful to see everyone again.|
Jared and I have always been really touchy feely with each other. (Not innapropriate PDA, just holding hands and arms around each others backs, back rubbing...you know what I'm talking about) and Jason has always been jealous of that. So in he walks with his girlfriend Yvonne (who is UGLY.... . that made me feel better, is that bad? LOL) and her two kids. They were groping each other during the whole funeral. It was really sickening. He hasn't even gone to court for his divorce yet and he is strutting around with this *excuse me* Whore. They kept turning around and smirking at us to see if we were seeing them getting it on in the chapel. BLECH!
After the funeral we were waiting to give Jared's grandma a hug, and of course his mother Shari is standing right by her. That Yvonne chick gives Shari a hug and looks at me and gives me an evil smile. RME So we pay our respects to grandma and then Shari gives both of us a hug. I was SO surprised Jared didn't shove her arms away...and I wanted to puke, but I would never want to cause Grandma any stress so I just stood stiff and let her hug away and say "Oh thank you so much for coming, it means so much to me". "Um, we didn't come for YOU lady".
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
| I haven't had to deal with them much over the summer because Shari, the beloved MIL has been gone. She drives fire bus during the summer. But alas she comes back as the new school year begins to drive bus for the school. So, unfortunately she is stirring up crap.|
Her first order of business was to go out to Aunt Marlenes' house and tell her NOT to believe anything we say because we are liars. Nice. Aunt Marlene doesn't believe her obviously because she told us what Shari said.
Then I find out through the grapevine that my niece Siara is attending school here in my little town again! I do not know why, because her mother lives in Idaho. (Her father is in prison for drug charges). This poor little girl got expelled from her school last year as a 1st grader. ( I still cannot fathom what a 6/7 yr old could do to get expelled from school. She has had what I only imagine is a horrid childhood, along with her 4 yr old brother Wyatt.) She attended about a week of school here last year, then stopped going for some reason, but still lived with grandma (Shari) for the rest of the school year and all of summer) She attended summer school here to make up the rest of the year and is now in the second grade (thank goodness because Baylee is in 1st and Dallin is in 3rd). Fires didn't start til summer school was completed and then I believe Aunt Judy took care of her (Aunt Judy also lives with Shari). I do not know for sure but I think that Wyatt is still with his mother, Shanna...who is Jared's youngest sister.
Shari's house is not the place for this little girl. If there wasn't so much drama surrounding this whole situation, and if I didn't have to deal with her psycho mother or grandmother I would take her in, in a heartbeat. I think she would thrive in a stable environment, but I am sure we will never find out. She is headed down a disastrous path at high speed.
I know that NO parent is perfect. I am not perfect by far. Heavenly Father and mother had 1/3 of their children go astray, and that was under the best circumstances. This woman raised 4 very unstable children. She takes no responsibility for any of it. And yet as I learn about their childhoods, I can only point a finger in her direction. (along with their very abusive, now deceased father). I was always civil to my MIL though. Until she started hurting my kids. That day the relationship came to a screeching halt.
They grew up poor. Now as adults they have all had trouble with money. Putting their wants first and their bills last. Buying the things they never had as children. Jason is the most selfish person I know. He has to have the best of everything but cannot afford any of it, so he uses people. He is having an affair , totally abusing his soon to be ex wife. Turning his back on a daughter that he has raised for the past 8 years, and because she was never legally adopted he doesn't legally have to father her so he shuns her. He no longer picks her up when he picks up his biological daughters. It makes me sick to think about what he is doing to that poor 9 yr old emotionally. He is smoking, drinking, living with another woman, lies like crazy, and yet he seems to be able to keep hold of his "golden child" status and can do no wrong in some peoples eyes. I just don't get it and it infuriates me.
Jared has always had issues too. I have worked him through the financial ones, thankfully. He had his affair 9 yrs ago. His anger issues are under control most of the time, but when they emerge he is scary. He has anger issues. He gets mad over the stupidest things. He always thinks everyone is out to get him. He was SO dumped on by his parents. Labeled the black sheep of the family as a young boy. Anything that needed blame got put on his shoulders and he was beaten a lot. He was working full time at 12 yrs old and at times brought in more money than his parents did.
Sharma was made to be the slave. She was the one who took the blame when Jared wasn't around. She became very promiscuous and has 2 boys by different fathers. The second one she isn't sure who the father is. She has severe leaning disabilities that were never addressed. (they all do actually, but their parents were too lazy to help them, or get them help). She finally got married to a man that has beat her up on at least one occasion.
Shanna is the baby. Never got blamed for anything, although she was the culprit a lot of the time. She was also very promiscuous. She has been married to a druggie for 10 yrs. They have 2 children (mentioned above). Neither her or her husband have ever had a good stable job. The kids have been neglected but always seemed to maintain a look of normalcy to those who don't know. Wyatt never learned to walk til he was 2 because he was always in a carseat, bouncy seat, playpen or crib. Even as an infant he wasn't held. His bottle always propped up with a pillow. Just thinking about it all makes me furious. Her and her husband are constantly having affairs, and they don't seem to care.
So now we found out that Shari's sister Patty died. We have no talked to any of the in-laws for at least 5 months. I dreamed about the funeral last night, and it was a nightmare. Seriously, probably milder than what is in store for real. Sharma's wedding (in the church) ended in punches being thrown and F-bombs and cars screeching out of the parking lot.
I wish I was joking.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
|Feel free to just ignore this post.|
I get to the point where I think things are ok financially.
We pay our bills on time every month, and have money left to buy groceries and a few other needs that come along.
But when something big comes along we are screwed.
I took Tyleigh to the dentist yesterday. She has decay on her two front teeth (it looks horrid) and cavities on her molars. (and yes we brush every day)
NO dentist will touch her without her being knocked out.
So our choices are an $9,500 hospital visit (no medical insurance)
Or an $2000.00 in office appointment. (and this is AFTER dental insurance)
The hospital choice is totally out, and we won't have $2000.00 until we get our next tax return (NEXT YEAR maybe February if we do rapid refund).
So now she gets to look like a freak and gets to take Tylenol and advil every day for 6 months for pain.
I left the dentist office crying. I made a total fool of myself.
Sometimes life totally and completely sucks. I just want to load everyone up in the exploder and drive off the nearest cliff.
Monday, August 13, 2007
|So I got myself a job. Or the job found me actually. I NEVER advertise to watch other people's kids, and yet I seem to be able to just wish for a babysitting job and one appears.|
I have been watching 2 siblings on and off for a few months now. (Colt 3 and Lainey 2) Just when the regular babysitter is busy, or goes on vacation, or is sick. Some days it is ok. Other days it is overwhelming.
So is it the best of both worlds to do daycare in the home? Some say it is. A job. An extra income, and I still get to stay home. I question myself..."Do I want to stay home and watch kids all day?" It doesn't seem fulfilling in a "career" sort of way. It definitely doesn't pay worth squat. And to tell you the truth, other peoples kids drive me nuts sometimes.
So I get a phone call from one of my visiting teachers who just had a baby. His name is Hoss. (No I am not joking. How am I supposed to look at this baby boy and call it Hoss?) She goes back to work at the end of the month and needs me to watch him. I reluctantly say yes. This also means watching her 6 yr old daughter Lilly after school every day and all day Friday (we have a 4 day school week here). Lilly is in my class at church. Whenever I tell someone that I teach the 6 yr olds I am almost always asked "Who is in your class". I start naming names, and 9 out of 10 times when I get to Lilly I get a moan. She has been an only child for 6 years and is a little turd a lot of the time. She really isn't that bad in class though, because she knows I won't put up with her crap...LOL So I am not too worried about it.
So I will get 25 bucks a day for the newborn. 20 bucks a day for Lilly (Friday) and 5 bucks a day for Lilly Mon-Thurs. 165.00 a week. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it will help ALOT. And will more than make the payment on my exploder :)
So here is where I am thinking it may not be such a grand thing: For the last 2 weeks I babysat for the 2 siblings (Colt and Lainey)I mentioned above. Thursday the boy started not feeling well towards the end of the day. The next day him mom called to tell me he had strep throat. Can you take a guess what comes next?
Yep, I had to spend all the money I made babysitting on Dr. Visits and prescriptions. 3 with Strep. How great is that? I am beginning to think maybe this is the worst of both worlds. Especially when we have no health insurance.
Oh and I may get Colt and Lainey 3 days a week also, but I won't know til Sept when we find out if the boy gets accepted into headstart or not.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
|The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump died and goes to Heaven. |
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I shor hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
St Peter continued to say, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waved him up and said,
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one --which two days in the week begin with the letter 'T'?
The Saint's eyes opened wide, and he exclaimed, "Forrest that is not what I was thinking,
How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest. But I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there is got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.."
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure", Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name 'Andy' as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied, "I learnt it from the song...
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: Run, Forrest, run."
Thursday, August 09, 2007
I am pretty sure that I do not know anyone directly involved in the mine collapse but it breaks my heart just the same.
I remember Jared taking me up to see the Crandall Canyon coal mine, except he just called it "Genwal". It was a beautiful drive. Reminded me of going camping. Beautiful pine trees everywhere, little streams of water, some wildlife. There right out in the middle of it all, this coalmine. If he hadn't taken me up there I would have never know it was there. You can't see it until you are right upon it.
Jared used to take several loads of coal a day out of that mine during the year we lived in Castledale, Utah. We had so many good friends there that I dearly miss. Those were good times. There always seemed to be tragedy there though. Some wife losing her husband. And not only due to the mining, there were other circumstances too.
I remember when we lived there, and we were in the midst of the coal industry, the Quecreek mine cave-in happened. I remember staying up all night, and watching them pull the Nine dirty but very much alive miners out one at a time. I hope this story has the same happy ending.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
|I am not sure why babysitting this week has gotten to me, but it has. I am so glad that I don't have to tomorrow. And Jared will be home tonight, along with Dallin. Joshua leaves tonight. He is going to go on a weekend get away with his friend Matt and his family. It will be wierd for him not to be here. He has gone every day this week, into town to sell melons for the scout fund. He really enjoys it, and I appreciate that he wants to help.|
So today as my "Good Intention", I made playdough for the kids. I am going to read them a story before bed. I am going to help them all say their prayers.
I also sent a sick friend a card. It was only an "e-card" but I think it counts.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
|So. I am so excited! I could start a back to school countdown if I knew when school started. I need to find that out, I suppose.|
Babysitting again tomorrow. Today I was physically and emotionally exhausted by time the kids were picked up at 6. 11 hours with someone else's kids is too long! LOL My biggest problem is that I am SO not a morning person, and I have to get up at 7. I will not get to bed til late tonight. Joshua went to the fair with some friends, and the mother is on clean up and they won't even leave Ontario til sometime after midnight. Maybe I will crash on the couch til he gets home.
And a note...I am going to do one thing tomorrow on my "Good Intentions" list. One thing a day. Something that I don't ordinarily do. I am going to try and make habits. Slow and sure is the best way. Right? ;)
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
|So yes I brought home a new car. (hey this font is a lot like the last one..lol This one is "morning limerick", very nice..., anyhoo). |
Reasoning #1, they gave me $4300.00 trade in for my van. Probably 2 K more than they should have.
#2 The payments are somewhat reasonable.
#3 We need to have a 3rd credit line (or something, maybe it was "line of credit") to re-establish our credit so that we can re-finance the house with a lower % rate in a yr and a half.
#4 My mom is getting too old and somewhat senile to keep flying here to see me. She is missing the plane, having to go home early due to health issues, tripping in the airports. I have to have a reliable vehicle to be able to drive to California. No way I could afford plane tickets for 6. Gonna be a miracle to save up gas money as it is. I have not been "home" since my dad passed away over 8 years ago. That is about 7 years too long IMO. Sad actually.
#5. The Van was 11 yrs old and had 115,000 miles on it. Who knows how long it had left? This Explorer is only 3 yrs old and has 50,000.
So are those good enough excuses? Plus the fact that I was really starting to feel really self-conscience driving that old car. That one is a bad excuse, but a true one.
I am looking in the paper for something that I can do to make money. I am babysitting tomorrow and Thursday. Then next week Mon, Wed, Thurs. It could turn into a full time (well 3 days a week) thing, but I won't know until late September. It would be nice if it would work out that way.
Well I will post a lovely picture of my vehicle tomorrow. Wish me luck with my money making venture! And I would love ideas if you have any!
|So far today I have hunted for a lost horse, mopped the kitchen floor, washed the table and all the chairs, and I took Joshua into town to sell watermelons for scouts. I think now I will make some more waffles to go with my buttermilk syrup. Let's see if we can add another pound today! Oh, and just to clarify...buttermilk is nasty. This syrup is good though. |
And I just got a phone call. I may be making a huge mistake right about now, but....we really need a new car. Nothing fancy mind you, just something reliable (the van is 11 yrs old) so I am off to pick up my new explorer. Well, new to me. I may just be driving my family down the road to homelessness. Off I go....weeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. Can we come live with you?
( I will explain my reasoning for the new vehicle later)
Monday, July 30, 2007
|So I've already posted once today. (Please read it and post a comment! I need help!) This is just a tiny test to see if I can figure out how to post to my blog from an email because I want to have a wider variety of fonts to choose from. Hope this works! Oh, and I changed my ear candy. This song had to grow on me, but i absolutely love this song now. Enjoy and Goodnight!|
I really do have the best intentions with everything.
I have the intention to be a great (not good mind you, I can do that in my sleep) mother. I think I am a great when it comes to normal "raising". My kids are clean, fed, clothed, very well behaved IMO . Our house in sanitary 90% of the time. I don't want to be good, I am talking WONDERFUL. That is my intention. Bake my own bread, quilt, 3 delicious meals a day, read bedtime stories every night, prayer, scripture study, family home evening, playing games, taking them places, teaching them to sew, cook, plant a garden, work hard, be all around good people. They are all going to go to college (hopefully) and have careers where they aren't worried about money all the time like we are. (It totally sucks.)
I have every intention of being a terrific friend. Invite them over for BB Q's. Take them dinner when they are sick. Have the intuition to call them "just because" and find out they were having a terrible day and I brightened it. Listen. Start a play group for our kids. (and learn to like other people's kids). Send out lots of "good mail" and e cards to my far away friends. Start a dinner swap (been meaning to do that for weeks).
I have the intention of making up my mind about what I want to do with my life once all the kids are in school. Is it more important for me to get to a point where I can have a career and make money? Or to a point where I feel like I can breath enough to become that wonderful mother mentioned above? What is more important? I know for a fact that I am sick and tired of worrying about what is going to happen if Jared even misses one week of work. It would be catastrophic. Seriously, out -on- the- street -with- no -food catastrophic. I am sick of that looming over my head all the time. But then I read the prophets talks about how important it is for the mother to be in the home and I get confused. I would not be going to work so that we could buy a boat or drive a fancy car (oh man we SO need a new car). I would be going to work so that if the hot water heater went out we would be able to replace it. KWIM? Right now I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am unable to receive answers to prayers.
I really want to learn how to DO something. Painting, sewing, photography, sign language. Something. I need a hobby that doesn't consist of me sitting on my keister. And something that isn't expensive. Maybe even play the piano? Except I don[t have a piano. I want to feel like I am good at something. That I have a talent. I feel so talentless. I need to do something about that. That is my intention.
I have every intention of losing 20-25 pounds, but I have also baked two Texas sheet cakes in the last week (yes 2!) trying to be a good wife and mother. Oh and buttermilk syrup, trying to use up the buttermilk I bought for the sheet cake. And you have to make waffles to go with the syrup. Twice. You would think my intention was to gain 20 pounds. Oh and I need to exercise. I intend to, tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes I never do.There are a ton of other things that I intend to do, but don't. I'm not sure If I am lazy. Can't figure out how? Too shy or insecure , nervous, apprehensive, self-doubting, anxious to put myself out there? What is my problem???? How do I start doing what I intend? I do not want to continue on this "road to hell". I need help and suggestions.