Monday, May 28, 2007


It was a horrible day. I had been hurting all day. I thought it was just a stomach ache because I had been sick a couple days earlier.
Jared had left to play basketball. I told him I was fine to go ahead and go. He had been gone for about 20 minutes when I had gone to the bathroom and the toilet paper was pink. I called the hospital and they told me to come in.

I tried and tried to get ahold of Jared and couldn't. I was hurting so bad at this point I couldn't stand up, so I picked up the phone to call 9-11 and Jared came through the door. He said he had a feeling to come home.

We drove FAST to the hospital after taking Joshua to Jason and Rachel's (they lived acrossed the sidewalk).

When we got the the hospital Jared carried me inside and they called my Dr. He came in and checked me and said to the nurses (not to me) "she's dialated to 10, there's nothing I can do, send her upstairs to have it". And he walked out.

I was wheeled upstairs to labor and delivery. It was about 8 or so. Tanner James Tolman was born in the middle of the night. He was very tiny, but perfect in every way. I held him for 3 hours before the mortuary came and got him.

The mortuary put him in embalming fluid (his veins were too small), wrapped him in a cute blanket, put him in a white casket. They brought him to the cemetery, set up chairs for the funeral and did all of this for nothing. They were so nice.

There was no definate cause for his death. I am not sure whether he died and that sent me into labor, or if I went into labor and that killed him.

He should have been born in March of 1996. He should have been 11.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Cookies, cookies, cookies.....

So we made cookies tonight (me and the 3 youngest). Think I can count this as Family Home Evening? (We've been horrible about it lately).
Today was the boys' last day of school. Not sure I like that
I kept asking them "Don't they have summer school?"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Graduation Day!

My little girl is getting so big!
1st grade here we come!
So, am I just biased? Or is she drop dead gorgeous??!!?

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Song of the Day!

So I added a little "element" to the right hand side of the page...
I will try to update the song whenever I post.
This first song is thanks to my friend Ana.
Thanks Ana! Can't quit singing it, and neither can the kids...LOL
(You must push the play button for it to start)

Monday, May 07, 2007

Socks for Sale.....

$5.00 a pair, $2.00 shipping (shipping is .50 more for each additional pair)
Tri bead socks are $7.00 a pair (they take forever to make, and alot more beads)
Any color, any size. (Small 6-10 1/5) (Medium 10 1/5 - 4) (Large 4-10) (Or Newborn 0-6 mo, Infant 6-12 months, toddler 12-24 months).

I have just about every color of every type of bead, and I also have pearls :)

Just request what you want, and if I don't have it, I will let you know ASAP.

Here are some pictures of the beads:

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Is something wrong with me?

I never wish for anyone to get hurt. Like people say..."I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" and what not.
So why is it that when I hear that my MIL fell and broke her nose and her arm, that I don't feel the need to go to her. I really don't feel anything.
When we decided that we were separating our family from the rest of Jared's family, we meant it. Now this happens, and I am sure everyone is just waiting for us to go running towards her KWIM? It isn't going to happen. I AM NOT and WILL NOT put my children, or Jared and I in the position to get hurt again. I am sick of people making up lies, and people believing them.
Eventually the truth always comes out in the end, so...I need to stop fretting about it.
I know I am a good person. I THINK so anyhow.