Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Why is life so complicated? (Part 1)

I'm really not liking this being an adult thing.
When we moved here I thought "Ah, we never have to move again!" We have moved SOOO many times in the 13 years we have been married. I try counting and stop at 20 because I just get overwhelmed. It is probably somewhere around 25-30. It is amazing.

So now we are close to buying this house. (I feel like we have to jump through so many hoops because of the bankruptcy, I wonder if it is worth it!) The one I felt we were destined to buy. The one I believe we were led to. I really did (do?) think we were meant to move here. But now I am wondering why, or if it is even true. Maybe I just imagined the feelings?

This whole things with Jared's family has me wanting to run for the hills. This house is just down the road from his mother, and we are within 45 minutes of all of his freaky siblings. Wanna know more? Lets start with the parents.....

Jim, Jared's father... was abused BAD as a kid both mentally and physically. So then Jim abused Jared. He was also this Jekyll and Hyde person that Jared is, and I hate him for that. The only time that Jared's dad didn't scare the piss out of me is when he was near death. Not that he was mean all of the time, but you never knew when he was going to snap and I hated it.

Shari, Jared's mother...was also somewhat abused growing up but has a much more stable life than Jim. She infuriates me though with her "I am a victim" crap. She stood by and watched while Jim abused the kids and I believe was a participant also. She treats her kids all differently. Jared was treated worst of all. Here is an email I sent to her recently:

Since I don't know quite where to start, but I want to be honest I will just start listing things about you that bug me. Remember that these are my opinions and my feelings. Try not to get too angry while reading it. It isn't meant to hurt you. I did write them while I was angry though, so it might come acrossed more rough than I want it to.

1. You have always treated Jared differently. I guess I should say more different. In my mind you have always treated Jason best. Then Shanna. Then Sharma. Then Jared. Why? What did Jared to do you even as a young boy for you to treat him so differently than the other kids? Do you want to know MY opinion why you treat him differently? Jared reminds you of Jim. You look at Jared and you think of all of the bad things about Jim. I think the second reason you hate Jared is that from a very young age he stopped needing you. He had his own job, his own money. When he had problems he didn't go running to mama like the other kids did (or still do in some cases). Moms are supposed to be #1 with their kids. You felt neglected by him when you wanted to be his number 1, and you weren't.

2. The thing that you don't buy your own children birthday presents unless they buy YOU one. That is just plain weird. That is a special day, when a precious gift came into your life. I don't know any Mother who doesn't buy their child a gift to commemorate that day and show their love.

3. The way you justify the wrong things that some of your children do, and then shun some for doing the same thing. And how you try to cover up for them. (You have always done this, this isn't just a recent occurrence).

4. The way you buy some of your grandchildren more stuff than others. All of your grandchildren need coats, and school supplies etc.

5. You go around telling people we owe you this and that for that Les Schwab bill when you go out and buy stuff for Jason and he gets behind on paying you back and we don't hear you backstabbing him but you go around talking to people about what we owe you? I paid that Les Schwab bill faithfully! I paid what I though we owed, and then found out that others had been putting things on the account too. Sorry, but I am not paying for other peoples batteries or tires. (We put some tires on her account, this was several years ago)

6. When Tanner died and we asked about burying him with Jim. We were given the answer no. I think you spent some money on a little bundle of flowers for him and I was grateful. But, Then when Brianna was born you allowed Shanna and Kyle to bury her with Jim. This broke my heart. You also bought tons of stuff for Shanna/Brianna. I don't remember what it all was but I know Shanna has alot of stuff to remember Brianna (Commemorative Box or book or both? And other stuff that I know YOU purchased for her.) I would have loved that stuff for my sweet baby boy too. But of course it was Jared's child, and I am not your daughter. It was These experiences that effected me so profoundly that I could not call you mom.

7. The way you act like you don't talk about people behind their backs, but you do. You talk about almost everyone. Everyone does, nobody is innocent here.

8. I've always thought that you didn't like me because I moved in with Marilyn and not you. (Before Jared and I got married I moved to Vale and refused to live with them).

9. I used to think that all of your children's problems were because of Jim. Now I realize that part of their problems are because of you. You weren't a victim, You were the parent too.

10. You try to play the martyr.

There might be more. (I am sure you are thinking "there is more!?!?!") If I think of something else I will send a number 11. I just want to get this all of my chest and start fresh. I would like you to do the same, and I will try not to take it the wrong way.


So I got that all out in the open and it made me feel better. BUT then the neighbors (the really sweet ones next door...he used to be our bishop and married Jared and I) heard Shari's side of the story and when Dallin went in for his Baptismal interview, the Bishop called Jared in also and asked him if he thought he was worthy to baptize Dallin after the way he has treated his mother. WTH????? She is the one who left a message on Jared's phone and called him a lying F***er! She is the one who said she washed her hands of all of us and for all of us to go to Hell. All we did was told her the truth about what her precious angel son was doing.

She has known for 5 or 6 months that Jason has been talking to women on the Internet. I told her she should have told Brandy THEN what Jason was doing. She let Jason bring the other woman into her house and then proceeded to tell Jared and I how nice and bubbly she is. WTH???? I said "WHAT??" You let her in your house?" Said "well it isn't her fault" And I said "the hell it isn't. She KNOWS THAT HE IS MARRIED! In my eyes that makes her a wh*re." (Sorry for the language but that is what I said, and I may be a little bit more sensitive to this since I have been through it.)

Oh I am so mad at her. I do not know how she can go around convincing people that Jared and I are the "bad ones" when Jason is the one who left his wife and kids, who is committing adultery, the one who is trying to screw his children out of child support, the one who is the big fat liar! And she again is playing the victim. She took a week off of work for "mental hardship" or some BS. And telling the bishop Jared is being mean to her? I just don't get it. I don't get how people don't have a conscience, and I don't understand why people believe all the lies.


Kris... said...

OH LISA!!! That is just horrible! That would be SO hard to live there with them, which is really sad because I think your family has done so much better being there. Your mil is a piece of work. I cannot believe the things she has done to you (especially with the death of Tanner... that's terrible).

It must have taken a lot of guts to send her that letter. What has she said to you since then? I just hope it doesn't come back to bite you in the butt, because I think it all needed to be said.

GOOD LUCK LISA!!! I'll be thinking of you!

Jenne said...

Can I copy and paste to my mil? Okay, she's not AS bad, but there are quite few similarities. I don't get the treating, not as in helping, but "Treating" as in embellishing and giving preferential treatment/defending the children that are being the most defiant and stinky. And her going to the bishop?! Holy Cow, that takes some balls, her for lying and him for listening. I hope it goes better for you and Jared. You sure don't deserve ANY of her crap. Hang in there Lisa! I love you to pieces and just keep thinking, Park City, Park City, Park City!

Victoria said...

Sorry Lisa, your in laws sound like pieces of work. I honestly would distance myself from them if this is not going to get any better. I am proud of you for laying it all out there but it sounds like she doesn't care to fix it. {{{{Hugs}}}}

Maybe you should tell the neighbor/Bishop your side of it too.

Heidi said...

FWIW, I love you. I totally see your point and your hurt - rise above stooping to her level to justify your feelings. Your feelings are COMPLETELY justified...with or without old feelings being hashed back up!

Pray about why you had comfort at the thought of moving to that house? There must be a reason - and never doubt your feelings when you have an answer to a prayer. Maybe you're the tape that will bring this family back have it in you!