Monday, May 28, 2007

Remembering....



It was a horrible day. I had been hurting all day. I thought it was just a stomach ache because I had been sick a couple days earlier.
Jared had left to play basketball. I told him I was fine to go ahead and go. He had been gone for about 20 minutes when I had gone to the bathroom and the toilet paper was pink. I called the hospital and they told me to come in.

I tried and tried to get ahold of Jared and couldn't. I was hurting so bad at this point I couldn't stand up, so I picked up the phone to call 9-11 and Jared came through the door. He said he had a feeling to come home.

We drove FAST to the hospital after taking Joshua to Jason and Rachel's (they lived acrossed the sidewalk).

When we got the the hospital Jared carried me inside and they called my Dr. He came in and checked me and said to the nurses (not to me) "she's dialated to 10, there's nothing I can do, send her upstairs to have it". And he walked out.

I was wheeled upstairs to labor and delivery. It was about 8 or so. Tanner James Tolman was born in the middle of the night. He was very tiny, but perfect in every way. I held him for 3 hours before the mortuary came and got him.

The mortuary put him in embalming fluid (his veins were too small), wrapped him in a cute blanket, put him in a white casket. They brought him to the cemetery, set up chairs for the funeral and did all of this for nothing. They were so nice.

There was no definate cause for his death. I am not sure whether he died and that sent me into labor, or if I went into labor and that killed him.

He should have been born in March of 1996. He should have been 11.

6 comments:

ang said...

Thank you for sharing that Lisa. What a wonderful day it will be for you when you get to give your little man a great big hug in our next lifes journey! Until then...here are some hugs from me {{{hugs}}}

Denise said...

I'm glad you take the time to remember, Lisa. ((hugs))

My daughter would have been 10 this year.

Heidi said...

Thank you for sharing. You know how I love a good tear jerker first thing in the morning! Beautiful grave marker, too! Love that saying!

Victoria said...

((((HUGS LISA)))) My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing his story with us.

Kris... said...

My heart aches for you Lisa!!! Many {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to you!!!

Kari said...

Oh Lisa! ((((HUGS))) Tanner has a special Mama!!